So I noticed something…strange…about my family when I was growing up. We never talked about it, but it was always there…in the room. The unspoken words swirling, waiting to land, waiting for that perfect moment which may have come and gone already. I don’t know if that time is now, but I’m just going to say it: I suspect that everybody in my family is straight. Everybody.
Growing up, I would watch movies with my sisters and comment on how pretty the girls were (even watching some strong PG-13 movies by myself at night…if you know what I mean….), you know, typical girl stuff, right? Well…my sisters would get crushes on the BOYS in the movies. The BOYS. I didn’t want to say anything at the time, but….gross! How do I tell them there might be something “wrong” with them, that they are sick and twisted creatures? I mean, what little girl gets a crush on a boy, for reals? I thought it was just a phase.
But then as we got older…they would do weird things. One sister sneaked off with a boy while we were hiking. I had an idea what was happening, but I couldn’t say anything. What do you say? Just come out with: I think you’re straight? I didn’t want to face it head on…so I would say things like, gee–you’re sure spending a lot of time with HIM. But nothing worked. Each of my sisters did stuff like that. One sister would go out for long drives with a boy. My mom opened the front door one day and found a guy with his hand on another sister’s stomach. I knew she was hiding something, but again…I didn’t want to put her on the spot. I didn’t want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed…because I would still love her, no matter what! I have LOTS of friends that are straight. But it’s just something we don’t talk about, us Mormons.
So eventually, I would pretend that I was straight too…I just didn’t want them to feel bad about themselves. When they talked about boys at the dance, I would chime in with…”Yeah! I danced with one too!” It felt weird, but I wanted them to feel comfortable with me knowing, and at this point it was so OBVIOUS–but yet none of them ever came out to me. I don’t know why didn’t, they could trust me with their secret. I wouldn’t have told anybody if they didn’t want me to. I felt bad they didn’t tell me. So I continued with my own charade, wanting them to feel “normal.”
Then my brothers–my GOSH! My sisters were subtle at least…..I had one brother who posted pictures of girls in bras as part of his artwork for class–right up there on the wall for everybody to see! At parent-teacher’s conference my mom was so humiliated, she cried. It was just so blatant, I was shocked as well. But still, he never said a word. Didn’t set the family down and, with a tear in his eye, speak of his struggle against heterosexuality. He never told us of how he cried himself to sleep at night, begging and pleading with God to take it away. He didn’t tell us of how ashamed he felt because he would never be “normal.” That’s okay, I still love him, I just wish he could tell me. I wish he would know that I love him no matter what–even if he is straighter than straight.
I had hope for my youngest brother, but once he hit 6th grade it was over–he was all over the girls, and I don’t know where the heck he found so many straight girls but they were suddenly everywhere. Braiding his hair, calling at all hours of the night. I know it broke my mom’s heart, but she never said a word.
It’s not something we speak of. We just KNOW. But I have hope. It begins with acceptance-of the sinner, that is. I’ve heard of camps you can go to, ones with a high success rate–80%! I’m just so worried about them, you know? Studies show that straight relationships don’t last…one sister has already been married to 3 men by the age of 27! And they want to have children together, but what happens to all these poor kids when the parents (inevitably) break up? Then we as a society have to pick up their pieces. Not that I’m judging or anything…but straight people are notorious for their promiscuity….there are so many diseases out there, and pain and suffering are always the result. They even pledge “eternal” marriage to each other…to no avail. Straight people just can’t commit. I’m not prejudice, I’m just looking at the studies. And I firmly believe that you should hate the sin and not the sinner.
I’m still not sure what to do, keep pretending that I don’t know? Don’t they OWE it to me to tell me? I just want them to know the facts, before they destroy their own lives and everyone’s around them. It’s because I LOVE them. And just because I don’t support their lifestyle or agree with it, (I am very much anti-marriage)–it doesn’t make me love them any less. I know that straight people feel they are entitled to the same “rights” as the rest of us, but straight people just aren’t….well, “natural.” It’s offensive when they expect me to want to “join” them–and oh how they try! Some even talk of teaching how to be straight in school. Can you imagine! And if these straight people have kids, are they just going to expect their kids to be straight as well? So heartbreaking once children are involved. But again–love those sinners! They just don’t understand how hurtful their actions are on society, and how many families are destroyed as a result of their lack of morals.
I apologize if any of my family is offended, or hurt by my “outing” their straightness. It’s just….people are talking…everybody knows anyway. Once they are willing to “come out”–then, and only then, can I work on fixing them.
This is a picture of me and my best friend and our very GAY dog. Thank god we got that one right.
