Dear Abby has posted 15 warning signs of an abuser. A woman had asked about her boyfriend that had become very controlling. She counseled the girl that if any of the other signs, along with #3, applied to her relationship then she should leave immediately.
Here is the list, and I wish to address each of these individually.
1. Pushes for quick involvement. An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive committment almost immediately.
2. Jealous: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits you unexpectedly.
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money, insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent you from holding a job.
6. Blames others for problems and mistakes: It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.
7. Makes others responsible for his or her feelings: The abuser says “You make me angry” or says “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you to.”
8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
9. Cruelty to animals or children: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also, may expect children to do things far beyond their ability, or may tease them until they cry. 65% of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10. “Playful” use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
11. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. They may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.
12. Rigid gender roles: Expects you to serve, obey, or remain at home.
13. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweet to violent in a matter of minutes.
14. Past battering: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person made him (or her) do it.
15. Threats of violence: Says things like “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with “Everybody talks that way” or “I didn’t really mean it.”
**i took this pic outside the American Fork Utah temple, waiting outside with the other sinners, singing the Mormon hymn ”Families can be together forever”**
**just kidding on the singing….you don’t want to see mormons get angry….**
**….a lot of brow-furrowing**
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Mar 23 2009