Sexy Healthy Wealthy

I had this teacher in 8th grade, I’ll call him “Mr. Thomas”.  Mr. Thomas was a great teacher and loved what he did.  He was single, and kept a picture on his desk of a woman character on Star Trek.  I really liked him a lot.

One day, a friend and I were passing notes in class.  Hahaha….when I was a kid we passed notes with PEN and PAPER …Anway this girl had written stuff on the paper about Mr. Thomas.  And I don’t think she was serious about it, but I can’t remember….but on this paper there was a reference to Mr. Thomas being gay.

In 8th grade, I didn’t know any gay people.  My mom had a cousin who was gay, but I really didn’t know much about it.  And I only recently found out that my mom’s gay cousin has a profession–I only knew her as the gay cousin.  Like that was her career or something.  Anyway, all I knew about gays or Homosexuality was that it was a very bad thing to be.  Mormons are taught that homosexuality is like an addiction, and it can be overcome. 

So my teacher, of course, found the note.  My name was on it, the other girl’s wasn’t.

Mr. Thomas called me out into the hall during my next class.  I had no idea what it was about, I had no idea he had found the note, and I had no idea how he would react to it.

I will never forget what happened next.

After I walked into the empty hall, and the door shut behind me, Mr. Thomas broke down.  He didn’t just shed a delicate tear, he SOBBED.  In pain.  And I, this young, naive, arrogant girl was the cause of his pain.  I didn’t know what to do, or say.  I don’t remember how it ended. 

And I’m not saying that Mr. Thomas was gay, necessarily, because I don’t know, but whatever was on that paper clearly hurt him.  I had never seen this side of things before.  I had believed that gay people knowingly chose their sin.  I hadn’t even begun to imagine the sorrow that would come from being considered “deviant” by the Norm.

Out of shame and embarrassment I never told anybody this story.  When homosexuality was discussed in my home, I would fiercely defend it, and defend the people behind it….much to the dismay of my parents.  My dad and I would get into these huge arguments over it.  They thought I just wanted to fight about something.  But those sobs coming from my teacher in that empty hallway will always haunt me.

And I will always stand up for gay people.  The courage it takes to just be your authentic self in this homophobic society is something that straight people cannot comprehend, especially in a religious environment.  There is much pain and loneliness of “pretending” to be something you’re not, just to make somebody else happy.  And in certain parts of this country, there is a very real physical threat to being an openly gay person as well (yes–I’ve spent the day in an emergency room with a friend due to a homophobic rage).

So, “Mr. Thomas”,  I am so sorry…..and I thank you for having the courage to confront me and for allowing me to get a glimpse of the pain that I and maybe countless others have ever caused you.

**i took this pic in Utah, on the way to the Great Salt Lake**